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29 November Long time no see!!Well.. I haven't been here since MAY.... don't think I am gonna keep it up. But I might blog here just cause I know no one is reading. Everyone is on MySpace now, am I the only one who's NOT?? Well anyway. I am halfway through my 3rd semester at MGC and I am almost dead. I dont know why this one has it me so hard. Plus it's been a long year. My husband says it flew by but not for me. My mind has been racing. I hardly sleep anymore. Hell, I never sleep. But it's really become a problem just this year. I can't remember anything, so I live out of my datebook. I can't get anything done because I forget whatever I don't write down. I've lost track of everyone I care about.... I don't have anyone to talk to bc I am too damn busy to maintain a relationship. Marriage troubles? I don't know. Not really. Nothing that isn't my own fault. I have trust issues. Plus I have anxiety that I can't seem to get a handle on and that's nothing I can blame anyone for. Just me. Stupid me. I don't like myself very much lately. I need to get some things out and I don't have anywhere to go. The only person I really talk to lately is Daffany.... and she has her own stuff going on. I just feel guilty, whenever I do TALK to someone I feel like I'm just unloading way too much. No one wants to hear this crap. Do I sound overdramatic? Maybe I am. I'm just overwhelmed. I get that way. The good new is I am trying to get in shape again. I'm doing my pilates again and trying to eat better. The eating part is hard though, I love food. Especially carbs and sugar, bad Jessica!! I know it will catch up with me one day. I am trying to get a handle on it now. I am also trying to get into the Christmas spirit. That aways seems to make people feel good. I'm just so busy this year. I failed Algebra. Well the semester isn't over yet but I failed it. And that did bother me, but I decided it wasn't worth stressing out over. I'll just take it over the summer, no biggie. I just don't get math and I've made peace with that lol..... well I am gonna go, maybe take a nap. Or, oh! Study for the final exams I have coming up. Dummy. Man I'm lazy. 10 May ???If there's a punchline coming soon
I sure would like to hear it
The aches and pains of unfinished business
are too much for me to take
I think I cried my last teardrop
Something inside me went numb
How am I supposed to fix this?
How do I dust myself off once again? I want to close my eyes for a little while
Just take a break from my life.
Not sure if this is a poem or not
it doesn't rhyme that's for certain...
Is there really an answer for me?
Or am I just one questionmark after another?
I think it's the latter.
The resolutions in my life are few
Whatever that means.
What people think of my face***What Your Face Says***
Overall, your true self is passionate and physical. With friends, you seem thoughtful and interested in ideas. In love, you seem mysterious and interesting. In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless.
27 April YAY!!!!!!!          So, do you get the idea ??
Summer is here, and I couldn't be happier!!! Man! I can safely say this has been the longest year of my life. It has been one rough spot after another, Thank God I made it!!!
Oh gosh I am just sooo excited. Now I get to sleep in and lay out until the second week of August, jealous???? It's already in the 90's all day here, and it's only going to get hotter. I can't wait. Can't wait. I have so many plans, I hope I get it all done. I want to have a big 4th of July party, God willing the house will be ready. Let's cross our fingers on that one. If I do get to have it it is gonna be sooooooooo cute and I'm gonna have fireworks and little umbrella drinks and all that jazz. I am smiling right now if you haven't guessed. I haven't been in this good a mood in a long long time. If you've been keeping up with me, you already know that. Not that I'm hard to keep up with though, I've been doing one entry a month. But maybe I'll do a little more now that school's out. Or maybe I won't, maybe I'll be too busy doing NOTHING!!! Hahahahahahahaha.........I'm thrilled.
Really don't have much to say. Haha I think I have more smiley's than I do actual words. Oh well. For those of you who still come see me, thanks for stopping by
 . For those of you who don't....................  10 April April 10Just another entry
Another day gone by
Just another thunderstorm
Another tear that I can't cry.
Just another heartache
another promise broken
Just another apology
my anger left unspoken.
Just another cigarette
I know I shouldn't light
Just another afternoon
just another fight.
Just another wound
I will have to mend
Just another stupid poem
I don't know how to end.
09 April What does my birthdate mean??***Your Birthdate: February 7***
You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you. Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights. You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice! Your strength: Your self sufficiency
Your weakness: You despise authority
Your power color: Maroon
Your power symbol: Hammer
Your power month: July 31 March Better Life
06 March Something random I stole from someone else's spaceName someone with the same birthday as you. Rachel, and Kevin
at the skating rink
no
Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? of course!! Have you ever sung in front of a large group of people? only at church
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
a nice smile and big arms
iced mocha w/ extra whipped cream
no way!
I wish I had a funnel cake right now. Why can't you buy those any place besides the nasty county fair booths??
Someone once told me I looked like Christina Aguilera and I was pissed because she looks like a troll. But that person was waaaay off.
Finding Nemo is the cutest movie, I've seen it like 7 times.
Nope. never have.
on our 2nd anniversary, when we were dating, my honey suprised me by lighting every candle in the house and spreading a blanket out on the living room floor so we could ahem, cuddle......
When do you know it's love? when it can't be anything else.
yes but i quit bc I heard it gives you wrinkles.
Cosmo
Have you ever ridden in a Limo? Nope
one of my good friends from Middle School
oh gosh... don't get me started.
food. and naps. and my dog.
Do you like Micheal Jackson? I liked the OLD Michael..... the one who calls himself Michael Jackson now is not human.
only when I am super drunk. I can't even dance then ,but when you're super drunk you don't care!!!
no (**knock on wood**) 03 March Let's try this again....After much thought and deliberation, we have decided to give it another go. We got a puppy. She is a chocolate lab and her name is Roxie. We think she's about 3 months old. My brother-in-law found her wondering about town and called us to ask if we wanted a dog, since he knows how much I love them. Even though I had previously decided God does not want me to have animals of ANY kind, Chase brought her home to me. I couldn't be happier. She is the most precious thing!!! We just got her Wednesday night and Chase already taught her to fetch. Precious. I will post pictures soon. Pray for us (ahh but most importantly pray for the dog.)
Thanks for stopping by my boring boring blog. Hope you are all well.
Jess 14 February Deep Blue MeSomewhere there's a river
that holds the world's teardrops
and somewhere there's a star
a million souls have wished on
Somewhere there's a sunset
that never goes away
Somewhere in a perfect place
the lover always stays
Incomplete... 07 February AWWW!!!These are the flowers my husband got me for my birthday, ain't he sweet? I just love those little sunflowers!!
  And those are chocolate lollipop things I made for Valentine's Day, in OTA Media Lab. It's me and Chase, get it??
SO CUTE!!! Wow I am just so happy!!!
Ok gotta go. Later! 05 February Happy Birthday To Me
03 February He Stopped Loving Her Today
!!!!OK ok ok. I may just have to abandon this whole blog thing. I'm no good at it!!
In short, Chase and I are great, school is ok, and work sucks. I have had a nasty sinus infection this week and I have been SOOOO grouchy. But I am a little better today. I actually am on my way to lunch with my dad (my stepdad) so I have to cut this short. See, I told you I am no good at this!!
Jess 19 January Cont'd  My day just keeps getting better. Let me state~~I hate school. LOATHE it.... I dream of a day where I will look back on these 3 STUPID years of my life as nothing more than a bad memory, but something that had to be done. I know, education is priceless, blah blah blah. I am grateful to be here, yadda yadda yadda. IT BLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SCENARIO # 1
The lady at the bookstore gave me the wrong book, by accident, so when I went back to get the right one, another lady is rude to me and tells me the deadline for returns is over, and I don't have my receipt anyway. I looked at her, trying to remain calm, and said "This wasn't my fault. Someone was helping me find these books."
"Well it's your responsibility to make sure they are right" and she shrugs her shoulders at me like "Ohwell. Too bad for you."
Bitch.
Well I am sorry if I trusted a woman, who looked like a professional book-store employee who knew what she is doing. I ASSUMED she knew, seeing as how she WORKED there. Perhaps I overestimate people in general. Because I also expect a grown woman to be mature about the situation I am in and at least act like she gives a shit. The "ohwell" look she gave me still has my blood boiling. SO I went over her head, and I got my book. Ha. Ha. Ha. How 'bout them apples, hmm?? Bookstore bitches.
SCENARIO # 2
My Algebra teacher is tring to complicate things by making us take her online class through another site, not WebCT, where ALL the other online classes are located. (That's what WebCT is FOR, it is an Intranet designed for online and web-enhanced classes.) And you have to buy an access code, which is 40.00. Another 40.00, just when I thought I was through. The bad part is I didn't know about this until the class had already started and I have missed assignments and a quiz, all bc I don't have this access code. So it looks like I am going to have to drop the class.
"Didn't you get my email over Christmas break? Do you check your email"
Lady, I check my email about 15 times a day. There was no email.
I am fuming.
Yeah yeah I know, this is small potatoes compared to the war in Iraq and the starving kids in Africa and the poverty in New York City. My problems are miniscule... Whatever. I am pissed. My blog, my bitchin.
And on top of that, I freaked out and started crying in the bookstore and the guidance counselor asked me if I wanted to talk. Well that would probably be a good idea but I would never be able to talk without crying and she wouldn't understand me through all the blubbering. I am just very overwhelmed at the moment and I don't handle stress well. So, I have been practicing my deep breathing and counting to 10. So far it is working. But I'm on the edge man. I'm telling you, I could snap at any minute. I need a sedative. Or a nap. Either would be great right about now. Thanks for reading
 ThursdaySorry I haven't been around. Though I'm not sure anyone noticed!!! Things have been nuts here. Everything is going wrong!!! But I am working on it. Just a rough start this semester. The good news it, I have a birthday coming up and I am going to p-a-r-t-y it up!!!!!!!!
How is everyone?? Good I hope. I have so much happening, I don't know whether I am coming or going half the time. It's hard to balance everything. I don't know how single mothers do it??? I am 20, with no kids. And I am losing.my.mind.
That's all I have for you today. Stop by and see me sometime you bunch of strangers!!! I know I am not around much but I still have feelings!! :o)
Love ya bunches
Jess 05 January QuickieJust really fast, then I have t go to the bookstore and pay $400 for my books... I only have 4 classes!! That's $100 a class. Holy crap.
Ok ok ok. So last night, I was watching the stars. I do that sometimes. It's mesmerizing, you shoud try it.
And I saw a falling star. One minute it was there and the next minute it fell right out of the sky and disappeared forever. It was kind of depressing but I was amazed because as much as I look at the night sky, I've never seen that before. And it made me think, how long had that particular star been there?? How many people have looked at it, just like I was? How many people had made a wish on that star? It's almost like all those wishes died with that star. And how many other people saw it fall, at the exact same time I saw it.... I know, I'm like a child. I just can help but wonder... or what if that very star was one of those stars someone adopted? You know, like as a gift for their loved one? Have you heard of that? You can name a star in honor of a person, they mail you a little certificate and everything.
I dunno. That's my deep thought for the day :-)
Have a good one people. I'm off to get robbed. 03 January Hi strangers!WHAT I DID ON MY CHRISTMAS VACATION
1.) Watched The Notebook 13 times.
2.) Ate too much good food.
3.) Shopped.
4.) Visited grandma, ate homemade choc cake until I physically could not move.
5.) Worked.
6.) Caught up on the laundry.
7 .) Slept.
8.) Got a kitten.
9.) Buried the kitten....
10.) Got drunk.....
Sounds pretty exciting huh? Yeah, it was pretty much uneventful. School starts back Thursday and I am actually glad. I still haven't gottent hings straightened out with my A&P grade. We're working on that one!! I had a wonderful Christmas and a boooring New Year but it was a safe vacation I spent with my family. So all in all it was great. Hope yours was too. Sorry I suck so bad at this blog thing. As you can see, I'm a busy girl
 27 December PSI also added a couple of pictures. Nothing much, just one of my brother's on Homecoming Night, and a few of me on Halloween. Yea, that's right. It's after Christmas and I just got around to posting Halloween pics. Hush. LEAVE OF ABSENCESorry guys!! How has everyone been? Hope your holidays are going well. My Christmas was pretty good. Looking forward to New Year's? Not me, I have to work. But I guess that's ok. I could always use the money.
I am at my mother's house right now, with my sister and brother.
Their granny is here too, she's nuts. Seriously freakin crazy. She get's over here and bitches about my mom's house-cleaning skills. Mom hates her. She really is not all there. GO HOME LADY!!!!
The house is still coming along. Actually, not so much lately. I think it's the cold weather. Kind of hard to get motivated you know??? Chase and I are doing well also. School starts back Jan 5th, I guess I'm happy about that. I have been enjoying my break but I really want to get through with school ASAP......
Sorry I don't have much to talk about. I have kind of taken a break from everything, friends, family, school. Just been hanging around the house, being lazy, sleeping late, eating junk food......jealous yet??
Gotta run. I will update soon. Happy New Year's!!!!!
~~Jess 17 December Freakout ModeWow I am totally losing it. My class website thing says I made a B in Anatomy...... but my Final Grade on the college website says I have an F........wtf????????????????????????????????? 07 December Monday 12/7 I just took my Comp 1 final exam. He gave us a break on that one! (whew!!) 1 down, 3 to go!! Well I only have 2 today, 1 on Fri but my last one of the day today is gonna kick my butt. Wish me luck. Man am I ready for a vacation!!! 03 December Quick thought      Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!!!! I am so happy this time of year. It reminds me of all I have to be grateful for. And I am. I stood outside of my house Wednesday night and looked up at the stars for a long time. God only knows how long I stood there, freezing, looking at the sky. It was beautiful. Just beautiful. You could see every star in the sky. All I could do was stand there, head tilted back, nose running, and just stare. And I did it again Thursday night, it was much colder and not quite as clear. But it made me think of how good my life really is and how much God has blessed me, even though I don't always deserve it.
28 November 11-28-2005It was a Tuesday when I called
had something to say
the words just weren't there
maybe some other day
I'll just come out with it
tell you what I'm thinking
and when you have nothing to reply
pretend my heart's not sinking
We both know how this story ends
I'm sure I'll just get hurt
For some reason I hold it in
Hoping you'll say it first
The sun rises in my rearview mirror
another day has passed
still avoiding those three stupid words
how long is this going to last?
So I'll do it now and be done
the next time that I call
I'll tell you what I feel
I miss you.... that's all.
21 November FF WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today, I woke up late. When I was finally walking out the door, I could not find my keys. Holy crap. I called Chase, he did not know where they were (even though it was his OCD havin-ass who moved them!!)
So I ended up having to call my stepdad to bring me my spare key. Ok. Remember I have about a 75 mile drive since we moved in our house (YAY, WE MOVED!!!!) ok, back to bitching. yea, so I hauled some serious a-word to get to school bc we were having a quiz in Comp1..... I got to school almost 30 min late, flew up 3 flights of stairs cuz the elevator was broken, and what do I find?? Can you guess??? CLASS WAS CANCELLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did not think that would ever make me mad but it did today. Man oh man!!!!!!!!!! On top of all that, it is raining. Lots and lots of rain. So that makes my hair frizz..... just makes my day ya know?
Yea yea, I'm done whining. I just hopes this day gets better. It has to right??? RIGHT???? Someone tell me it won't get worse?? |
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